Dear Sir,

I hope this letter finds you in the best of health and wish the day is a cool one there in Harbin, unlike here in Shandong, where it is hell-grade hot as I write.

I write this letter to protest your reaction to my dating your daughter. She has told me all about it. Man to man, I dare say, I am ashamed on your behalf and will pretend you were drunk in all the instances you did the things you did.

When she told you she was in love with me, you grunted and loudly wished she got a German and stated cartegorically that you are waiting for our relationship to end sooner. That was classic. I love Germans too, they are efficient, they keep time and they play good soccer. But because you like them, doesn’t mean every woman should date a German, it would be bad for German women for a start and sad for your daughter’s personal liberty, principally.

Yes, she told me how you eavesdropped on her and told her that my voice indicated that I am a loser. I am yet to see the science that can determine losers by just listening to their voice. On the contrary, your daughter says my voice is a major turn-on.

She told me how when she laughed at my text, you told her to stop and said it was disgusting. I was shocked on your behalf of all fathers. It’s as if we are in high school and we are fighting for one girl.

She told me how on the family dinner, you and your relatives took turns to blast her and coaxed and intimidated her into dumping me.

Your Auntie even suggested that I might be a spy, it is laughable at best, and why would a country like mine spy on China? To steal tofu recipes?

She told me how she fears coming to your house because you want her living by your book and to meet the boys you think are good for her, a reality I would expect to see from rural India or Pakistan.

She tells me how disturbed she is, she questions her very existence because you seem not to see it and want her living like your personal secretary.

I am afraid to cross you, sir, if all goes well, you will be the grandfather to our upcoming child and we seem like we will have that baby while you and me are on opposing teams. We are supposed to be on one side, rooting for each other, us as we start our life and you as you finally get a grown-up-granddad stamp.

I don’t want to seem like I am trying to school you - what do I know? I am just a boy, but maybe you should check on the Reactance Theory. The theory says if you prevent people from doing something they feel strongly and the desire to do that prohibited thing only grows. I am sorry, but since you started your war on our love, she has only stepped up her love controls, sorry.

Your daughter, she is fine, she is sleeping on my lap at this point, I love watching her sleep, and she is so gorgeous, you, sir, have some good phenotype genes; cannot wait to have some of your genes in my kid!

I never planned this, nor did she, for some reason, love happened and I can help you and leave your daughter today and she can dump me today…but you know what? We are only going to fall even deeper in love. We need to make a statement, that this is about our life and our happiness, you have your life, we are starting ours and we will do so whether you standby or not.

I don’t know why you are mental about our union, she is safe with me, I may not be the richest guy on file, but am also not poor, and if that is the angle you are taking. What can a Chinese man do to and for her that I cannot do, if not do it better?

Oh, I know what you are afraid of; you don’t want a half black baby! But if you must know, dark skin doesn't itch and I promise I will drink more milk and eat less chocolate so that my skin can get to your acceptable tone…

I never meant to offend you, I just wanted to protest your attitude, instead of us going to grab a drink together we are here slinging mud at each other, this must stop.

Enjoy your day,

Yours

Son in Low Spirits

Mutafire